So That's Why Mum Went to Iceland!

Well, well, well. Who would have thunk it! We are going to war with Iceland again (remember the Great Cod War in the 70's) to recover money for clever people who took high returns knowing they represent high risk. My God, that Gordon has Balls!

Well, Mandy is back...but what are the odds on another hissy fit and sleaze and a quick resignation before he minces off to Brazil again.

Never mind, the sun is shining and the weather looks fair to hold. Surely, GB can't f**k that up. Let's form a committee to discuss it!

I wonder how all this will turn out? Will we ever pay the bankers off? Why should we?

The weekend looms and I wish you all a ginger peachy fond farewell till Monday?

The Wonder of Woollies!

Something wonderful happened the other day.

I walked into the classroom and there was a baby there. All wrapped up in woollies and gurgling contentedly.

I said, immediately, with authority, "Have you signed your time sheet?" She looked at me inscrutably and either smiled or burped..probably the latter.

Suddenly all the young men in the room surrounded the baby and all entered into discussions about babies, baby care, baby clothes and so on and so on..also glissing and evacuating at inappropriate times. It seems they all have one or two of their own, and are all proud daddies.It's not only women who go ga-ga over cute little babies!

I want one now as well.......well! let's wait and see for a while on this.

Obviously it would have to be after the enormous mess GB has caused has been cleared to our satisfaction, without causing the taxpayers further untold hardship. You just have to laugh when you see all the congressmen running scared of the November election and afraid to lose their well paid and well padded seats in Washington

I suggest we throw them all out and elect a new lot. The president is limited to two terms and so should the senators and congressmen! Mind you, this could go for the lot over here as well.

If GB is not a novice PM then what exactly is he. All these financial shenanigans occurred on his watch as Treasurer, so let his back feel the rod!

Travelling on the Winds of my Mind

Lately I have been wondering what is going on. Now I know. Jacqui Smith has described Gordon Gloom as a powerhouse of intellect. Yes! That's why he causes such social and political pollution. Let's clean him up and ship him off in a container to a secure location in Scotland..he has always hated London anyway!

Just remember, an A can never become a NOT-A! Deep, eh?

I've always thought, that if people think you are a fool, let them! Do not open your mouth and confirm it!

With the present overpopulation of the world and the fact that we cannot even feed those alive now, should we be worrying about child mortality rates. Does this sound harsh...read Malthus!

Isn't it nice that Ruth Kelly can afford to give up work to spend more time with the family. She can probably afford it..what with the expected pension she will get for being a minister for all of two minutes!

Meanwhile Our Dear Leader is encouraging other mothers to leave their 2 year olds in others care so they can get a job. Something wrong here? This is Labour socialist engineering at its best...always to our detriment!

Why is the temperature of the North Sea at its highest at this time of year..is it to do with the specific heat of water vs that of earth? Anyone care to elucidate?

Still Waters Run Deep, or so They Say!

But this man, the more I look at him on TV, worries me...his hands are out pleadingly...and he says "This is the right thing to do", "This is the right way", "This is the right way to proceed". Why is he always right and we are always wrong. He doesn't seem to have much support left in his own party...sharpen the political knives?

There seems to be murk in those sullen depths, and I think it is some type of turbidity. He does not seem to be the right man for that job...he never was really. I bet Tony is laughing all the way to his highly paid sinecures in the city....do you still have jobs there, Tony?

I was looking at an atlas of South America...don't ask me why, probably just my insatiable search for knowledge... and I saw a large body of blue, obviously a lake or river in the middle of Brazil, sort of NW of Rio but E of Brasilia. Does anyone know what it is..it was unnamed in my atlas!

I haven't been for my regular Sunday walks lately because people might think I'm a pervert for walking through a park or along the riverside by myself with out children! Just where will all this social engineering end. In tragedy I would assume. I live alone and enjoy it and will not be treated like a guilty suspect because of some hysterical over-reactions by incompetent people.

If you want to know where all this social engineering started, well look past Gloomy Gordy and study Tony's dash for power (with the wicked witch egging him on!)

Gordon set up so many intricate calculations affecting tax and income when he was in the Treasury...how he must hope that all these devious little bits of legislation don't follow Lehman Bros and AIG over the cliff into cataclysm! They all tried to be too too clever at our expense and of course we will suffer for it, and we are now!

Let's see if any banks fall today and what the unemployment rate is, before the city traders all sign on after they sell their Ferraris!

Our World in Two Words.....Im .... Possible!

So it's no longer legal to take a walk through a park or along a river in Telford unless you are with a child. Where is this all leading to. Are we all to be considered potential perverts by these idiots in bureaucracy.

It seem to flood a lot in Shropshire and I cannot help but think that this is Gaia's way of flushing out this human detritus that create and enforce these febrile rules.

Get them gone! As soon as possible and never let them hold elected or appointed office again.

If you don't get this then we have all been swallowed up in a new black hole...let's cross or fingers!

Have you been caught up in this Payment Protection Insurance scam....what a rip -off ! Has anyone ever claimed successfully against this scheme and won?

Lehman Bros of Wall Street might fall into the clutches of the Korean Development Bank......NO! NO! NO!

Will they never learn. If this goes ahead all blame and responsibility lies on their heads although you will be the one to suffer! If you have doubts, just look north from Seoul to see what loony tunes look and act like!

So PIMCO wins $1.7 billion on betting that Fannie and Freddie would be taken over. Well done to them. Did George Soros also get his fingers wet in this? I would love to know!

Questions, questions, questions!

Who gave us:

The Millennium Dome

The Iraq War

What costs taxpayers more to run:

The Millennium Dome
The Iraq War

What will last longer:

The Millennium Dome
The Iraq War

Even the TUC no longer supports those incompetent mob of reds and pinks who are trying to run the country (into the ground).

What lies ahead for all of us?

Sometimes I shudder at what I see coming down the line. But then I am a born pessimist!

Did you read in the Metro this morning a letter from Richard Gowan re finding a £10.00 note. Is this man a prat!

Can you name a deciduous conifer in Europe?

I heard these two blokes having a barney about parking and the one was saying "don't you f********g understand me!"

I felt like answering for him.

Yes, my mother tongue is English, and, like you, I never had a father!

But I never...you never know about road rage these days...except for that brilliant song from Catatonia.

Wisdom abides in the mind of a Man of Understanding

Without counsel, plans go awry.

With advisers, they succeed.

This government has a galaxy of advisers from all walks of life..freelance, commerce, industry, public service, media...and a plethora of lawyers, barristers, judges, and councillors.

Yet they still seem to get everything wrong. Why is that! It's all probably down to the inexperience and incompetence and capabilities (or lack thereof) of the present .. for a short time longer..administrators - I shudder to think of this mob as ministers. Still you get what your money pays for, don't you?

There was a lovely literary fair on the Green in Chiswick over the weekend, and it was quite good..weather excepting. Richard Briers even read from Winnie the Pooh!

I can't be very good at maths, but listen to this.

Northern Rock goes bad, and this is only a small bank in those terms, and this government loans it £55 billion to cover its mistakes.

In the US of A Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac get into difficulties with an exposed portfolio in the region £6 Trillion, and the Federal Reserve backs them with only about $15 billion.

Don't these figures seem out of whack to you? Or isn't the Pound Sterling not worth what it never was?

A Journey into Speculation and The Unknown!

Today I start a journey into the unique unknown..what awaits me during my passage to Uniqitin.

Yes I am trying to give up the evil weed and have taken the route there by using patches. I will update you through this epoch. If you notice any mood swings or sudden outbursts of rage, please let me know through the comments available below.

If we think we have bad weather, just look at India, Burma, China, Haiti, Dominican Republic, New Orleans......and thank God for these green and septic isles on which we survive (barely, under this present, but short lived administration!)

How to save Billions of taxpayers money!

Do not buy new Trident nuclear missiles. We will never use them and they are a deterrent to no-one.

Do not buy 2 new aircraft carriers...these are a form of outmoded warfare ever since the end of the Second World War. How in hell would they be of any use in our new role as Peacekeeper to the Planet!

An update 0n my JSA diet. My GP feels that I have lost far too much weight and he has given me a vitamin/calorie drink to stabilise my weight loss. Apparently I am not obese...and I hope someone will tell GB (Scots Division), PM of UK Ltd (for a short time longer, we can only hope!). I guess I can give up all hopes of being a Super Model as well!

Has the Government deliberately held off on a windfall tax on the energy companies to allow them to distribute large dividends to the Good and Mighty before hitting them with the tax.

I wonder how much of this tax will trickle down to the taxpayer as benefits and how much will go to pay for capital acquisitions for the military establishment.

Has anyone else noticed how Tolley's Tax guide has expanded to fill the gap. 50,00 new tax rules introduced by Prudence Brown in her heyday as Chancellor might count for most of the expansion.

Mechanics on £200.00 per hour...thank God I walk everywhere!

Bang! Bang! Your Debt!

So the Chancellor speaks out and sterling collapses. That shows good management but perhaps he is on the side of all the exporters as a low value for sterling helps our export drive, and reduces our imports bill. But I bet he didn't think that at all...he made a boo boo, which is what we have come to expect of this shambles of a government.

At last the rain falls...I do so love walking in the rain, and after all the muggy weather we have been having it is a blessing in disguise.All the streets will be washed clean. Do you remember when they used to do this on a regular basis....before contracted out cleaning I suppose.

If hurricanes in the USA are named male/female alternatively and the next letter was G, then why wasn't this one called GEORGE. I don't think Gustav is a very common name over the pond...in Germany , maybe, but not over there.

Do you get the sniff of politics in the choice of name? Or is it just me!

What is harder on the Mohs scale...quartz or topaz.

Which has larger grains...silt or clay (Wentworth scale)

I am only here to educate you so you can enjoy a better lifestyle.

Did you know the following drugs come from botanical experiments.

Aspirin - white willow

Strychnine - nux vomica

Digitalis - Foxglove.

Is cross-breeding fruit, vegetables and animals the same as genetic engineering?

When the police perform a "finger-tip search" of an area, what do they find, if anything? I often wonder what the good is in doing this.

The Thing about Heroes

I've been away for a while. I was flummoxed by the results of the Olympic Games in Peking. Great Britain beat Australia in overall medals and in gold medals...well I never! What went wrong! Okay, allowing population and climatic differences we are the same peoples only separated by a sliver of glass in the ear...yes! the Australian accent. Mind you they only beat us by the seat of their pants..literally!
Oh well, never mind, let's all look forward to London in 2012.

From watching the tv coverage of the games GB won 547 medals in total...well that's the number of medal ceremonies I saw, while watching a mob of has-beens and never-wases discussing things they knew nothing about.
Perhaps next time, in London, the coverage will be on BBC Sport and not BBC Lifestyle! We can only hope.

The Charge of the Lycra Brigade

Brigades of urban warriors, costumed in gaudy and disguising apparel, some with eye masks, some without, all peering anxiously, either straight ahead with tensed necks, or down at the paved highway, all mounted on brightly caparisoned 2 wheeled monsters, mass re-strained, awaiting release from their gods.

YES! The word arrives! Let battle commence!

Between lines and across lanes haphazardly flooding pavements and submerging poor pedestrians they begin their never-ending battle with the evil polluting car! They charge forward into the valley of death!

Pedestrians beware! the charging cohorts do not respect lights, red, green or orange, nor crossings, pedestrians, the elderly, the encumbered, the infirm. Nothing stops them on their route to route the motorist in this urban battle.

You have been warned!

British Broadcasting Egos

How come they all spend time interviewing each other about subjects they know nothing about instead of just broadcasting sporting events. This is supposed to be BBC Sports, not BBC Lifestyles. Leave all the interviews of athletes and family and friends till after the Games.

JUST BLOODY SHOW US THE SPORTING COMPETIONS. IT IS ONLY ONCE IN EVERY FOUR YEARS, AND WE ARE PAYING A LOT FOR IT!

Send that ex-rower Pinsett home now and save some money!

At last a gold medal in swimming and in cycling..well done you! I'll hold any other comments till after the games! I'll keep on listening to the radio to get a fair coverage.

All those married couples trying for babies have been told not to bother with IVF etc as the chances of success are the same as trying naturally and will avoid a lot of expense and heartache.

I have a simpler solution...try doing it without your wedding rings....this never seems to fail !

RBOS loses £600 million in six moths this year. What a shame. Remember all the years when they were consistently churning out £2-3 billion profits every year? Have no pity for them and do not accept increased charge from them!

The average wedding costs circa £20,000. But newly married couples cannot afford the deposit to but their first property!

Who have their priorities wrong?

Water companies are trying to increase charges to consumers to pay for leakage! Why do we have to pay for our consumption and their incompetence. They should pay us a windfall every year based on how much they leak!

Geograpy spot:

Sth Ossetia, Sochi, Freetown, Algiers, Nairobi.

Word spot:

Angle, triangle, orgy, solicitor, prelates.

The Proof of the Pudding is in the Pulling

A National Risk Register which is part of the government's National Security Strategy is being produced by the Cabinet to cover events such as:

Terrorism

Disease Pandemics

Natural Disasters

Industrial Accidents.

Somehow, this doesn't make me feel more secure! Why is that!

On a personal note, my doctor has agreed that he will prescribe Viagra for me as long as I produce a partner. There are restrictions because he is strict...the partner must be living and have only two legs! Well I ask you, isn't this a restraint on my personal pursuit of happiness..however brief!

Mind you, he is upset because of cricket..he will not accept that Australia is undisputed World Champeens! Look you, even England could beat India playing with one hand tied behind their backs.....which is the way they seem to play every game! But not yesterday! Along came Marvellous Monday and Captain Courageous! What a brilliant display..probably down to picking an adequate number of bowlers who knew the pitch and how to bowl on it. Obvious eh! Not always.

Mind you that was only day 1 and there is still time for England to snatch defeat from the very jaws of Victory.

Anyway, have a good weekend and I hope you team wins..I know mine will thrash Preston!

Geography check:

Bern, Tel Aviv,Gali,La Paz.

Words for the weekend:

Scatology, confabulation, impetus, impetigo, dastardly, lost and lonely.

Altius, Fortius and Something or Other Citric!

Well the Olympic Games will soon be on us. We are sending 331 athletes to the games....how many medals do you think we will win. The BBC and government are spending over £7 million sending over 600 politicians and hangers-on and technicians commentators and analysers and God know who else to cover the games. Fair bargain.. or what?

BBC did not even offer a bid for cricket coverage and so it has gone satellite again. They did however offer Formula 1 £40 million for their coverage. How many people play F1?

I personally cannot wait for the synchronised swimming and the rhythmic gymnastics! And of course the curling....Hey what a dumbo I am, that's a winter sport,obviously.

A Gail Porter has written an autobiography which is being puffed to death by LBC Radio. What is a Gail Porter and who cares? She probably wrote her own story because no-one else wanted to write it or read it!

I watched a programme on BBC last night called Land of the Lost Egos...lots of scenes of half naked men mugging to the cameras and doing impossible derring do...why? They all looked like ex-members of the Village People making a political statement about something...needless to say I didn't see any Jaguars!

If a company has been placed into administration with debts of over £40 million, how can the people concerned set up a new company trading from the same premises...let's ask Sadie Frost, she will know!

National Land Information Service (NLIS), Property Information Questionnaire (PIQ), Communities and Local Government websites, Home Information Packs (HIPs), Openbook (HIP provider)......with all these and the current credit crunch, why would anyone even think about buying or selling property. Let's not mention Stamp Duty...it might bring bad luck!

I was wandering home yesterday and for some reason I thought about daffodils! It might have been the kids and dogs playing in the park, but who knows! I'm always wandering and wondering. I remember at school reading poetry about bloody daffodils written by some possibly obscure English, who I seem to remember had an unnatural relationship with his sister. My teacher was a Scots lady who informed us that she had been to Oxford and added (Oxon) behind her Degree. Why Oxon and not Oxford? Anyway we thought she meant the Morris Oxford car which was all we had heard about....the poetry meant even less to us living as we did in burning tropical splendour surrounded by brilliant tropical hues only ever captured by Gauguin on canvass. We also had another Scots teacher at school who took English and French and was the Deputy Head. He had such an outrageous accent that no one understood him when he spoke. God knows what he would have been like in French, which seems to have a plethora of accents and difficult elisions.

Anyway, I'm off now to rub my ribs down with wintergreen as they are hurting like buggery!

Geography knowledge:

Caracas,San Vicente del Caguan, Belfast, Tirana, Zakopane.

Words to add to your daily vocabulary:

Auto-eroticism, exorcism, Tory, prelate, inexperience, Labour.

Sono Asino?

I've been thinking..yes! I know that's dangerous, but sometimes my mind wanders.

If Switzerland was flattened out, you know, flatten all the mountains etc, just how big would it be? Bigger than the UK?

This may explain it's financial and cultural muscles!

As well as all those numbered accounts in all the banks, the chocolate, the cheese, the foodstuff companies, the pharmaceutical companies, the clocks and watches. Anything else you can think of?

Oh , of course! Federer and Hingis and Schumacher lives there as well!

What have we got to challenge this - even Sir David has left the country to pursue his career in football, and other fields. And another thing all our big companies seem to be being bought out by overseas ownership!

Because I'm shortsighted and also speed read the books I read, for some reason, every time I see the word country in the print I always seem to read Coventry! Strange or what!

I am trying to stick to GB's guidelines on not becoming obese, and I realised last night that my meal yesterday cost only 50p....noodles with sliced onions and mustard. In fact that has been my meal everyday for the last week....I eat less than refugees in Darfur, but of course am much healthier!

I hear the Chinese are spying on Brits in Peking ( diplomats or officials, I don't know, nor care) through their mobile phones. Why! What would they know that the Chinese would need? Maybe they want to steal some recipes for British food to vary the rather limited varieties that they already have. I think John le Carre is involved here somewhere!

According to Bloomberg Financial news the figures for unemployment are being understated. This is not a conspiracy, but down to bureaucratic inefficiency due to all the rules applying to measurement by differing departments etc. Same old, same old!

Pythagoras' Theorem has 24 words, the Ten Commandments contain 179 words.....since 1979 GB has introduced +/- 2,000,00 words relating to complex and completely incomprehensible tax rules. What do you make of that?

Well anyway, have a nice weekend and we reconvene on Monday. Please leave comments below. Do you think I am a donkey?

Geography spot:

Turkmenbashi, Novorossisk,Dhaka, Phnom Penh, Managua.

Word spot:

Beyond the Pale, beyond the black stump, beyond credulity, electoral franchise, incompetence.

C'est cafard!.

I can't believe the news can get any worse. It seems that economic collapse is around the corner. All our big companies are being bought by overseas bidders, all the indices are going through the roof. Gas and electricity prices have gone sky high, food prices rocket, house prices fall, unemployment figures rise dramatically, with large new losses to be announced by companies in the near future. Enormous, unbelievable profit figures announced by all the banks and utility companies along with falling share prices. What next! Oh! BA wants to merge with Iberia! Why, where's the benefit except future job losses, I think we'll see!

Everyone is talking about windfall taxes on particular groups of companies...Why? This money will surely just disappear into the Treasury and we will see no benefit. They will probably buy or build new fighter aircraft or another aircraft carrier! Why don't they force them to reduce their prices so it will impact directly on the suffering consumers.

I wonder how long I can go on with my JSA diet, which has been heavily impacted by rising prices for basic foods and services. My rent has just been increased to reflect rising utility prices. I think this will end in tears...yes! for me!

Only 1 in 5 knife assault cases ends in a gaol term. Why? I thought the law was clear on this... if found with a knife it was an automatic 5 years inside. They have the legislation, why don't they enforce it. No! they want to introduce more and more legislation..probably just to keep them in jobs. I don't think this is very joined up government at all, do you?

Never mind, let's just look on the bright side for a while..at least England aren't being completely humiliated in the cricket..yet. But it is only the second day!

Geography spot:

Ankara,Belgrade, Lusaka (Lucapa), Kuala Lumpur, Noumea.

Word spot:

Discipline, patience, coolness, sang-froid, cunning.

There is Music in the Air!

Unfortunately, I have a headache from the bloody heat and cannot focus on anything. Anyway, I think it's that blasted hip/hop/reggae/rap sort of stuff with no words just yelling and no rhythm just noise.

It is so hot I cannot compose any lyrical odes today and so will love you and leave you and hope for rain tomorrow so I can think again.

Que sais-je?

The Poles Don't Want GB as Prime Minister!

I heard a report on the radio that stated that The Poles did not want GB as Prime Minister. Well that's hardly a surprise..neither do we! but we can't get rid of him it seems. Even the Scots don't seem to like him anymore! Anyway, why can't he try somewhere like Latvia or Andorra..somewhere where he can display the entire gamut of his vast experience, wisdom and deep gravitas!

Oops, just seen a headline in a paper and it wasn't the Poles who didn't want GB as PM, it was polls...you know those people who think they know what we want! So that makes sense then, does it!

I also see that the enquiry into MP's expenses will be delayed by at least a year....well, who would have thought it!

On a really hot stultifying day like today, it's time to calm down and think of green and pleasant things. What do the following have in common?

Central Park

Regents Park

Villa Borghese

Jardin du Luxembourg

Retiro del Prado

They all negate their surroundings and create a fiction of freshness and solitude; a place of light and darkness. All for our benefit.

Of course the energy prices are soaring yet again...do you notice they never seem to come down when the prices of raw material collapses.....but this will not affect me as I have no energy at all. I am enervated. I am energy-less! When I get my energy back, and this depends on my JSA diet, I will also increase my prices to reflect the current trends.

Do you think there will be more BBC people at the Olympics than there will be British athletes? Guess who is paying for it all? How much money has the uncontrollable Controller of BBC allocated to covering this event?

Do you think we will win any medals, at all, let alone a gold? I probably won't have the energy to watch any of it.

The darkness is thickening around me, but the heat remains unrelenting!

Geography spot;

Cancun, Dili, Anchorage, Marble Bar, Fez.

Word spot;

Percussion, discussion, concussion, succession, secession.

In The Long Run, We Are All Dead!

I went for a walk through my local parks last night after my daily banquet (noodles with sliced onions) to comply with the old adage:

After lunch, rest a while; after supper walk a mile!

It was beautiful - azure blue skies, acid green trees, luscious green grass, dogs and children (bastards both! they should be banned or kept in an enclosed area) - then, disaster.

I must have breathed in most of the pollen in London and exploded into fits of sneezing and coughing and gasping for breath. You might recall (Key=Ctrl+R) that I have two cracked ribs after my recent fall from grace, the stairs I mean, Grace is innocent in these matters. Dear reader! the fucking agony! I managed to hobble home and took two more lovely pain killers the doctor gave me and collapsed onto my virgin couch in search of relief. This was about 2130 hours. I reclaimed consciousness at 0234 hrs in agony still so administered two more heavenly effervescent tickets to oblivion. Woke again at 0541 hours and decided to face the day bravely without complaining as I was to take an exam at my training college later. You will never hear me complain about the vicissitudes of life, no! Anyway wish me luck in the exam as my biorythmns are all screwed up at the moment.

I noticed that the sun set last night at 2059 hours and probably rose today after 0500 hours. This means the days are drawing in and the mighty God Winter approaches in all his hoary glory. This blasted heat cannot continue much longer and the Goddess Rain will reveal herself again to her faithless Londoners.

Have you noticed how alike Cristiano Ronaldo and I are! Yes, we both have a crock right foot! Of course he has already received medical treatment as he is a valuable slave, while I am only a hostage to the Health Service - which as you must know has much shorter waiting lists under GB's mis-governance!

The reason for this is simple...they do not add you to the list in the first place!

A point to be aware of.....smokers pay between £7 & £10 billion into the Receiver each year while smoking related illnesses costs only around£1.7 billion a year.

So we are actually paying for you lot!

In past times, we all laughed when the stock market fell as it was only the rich who invested and thus they lost money! Ha bloody Ha! But now, we are all vitally interested in the markets...and why you may well ask! So I'll tell you. All the big pension companies have large amounts riding on the market prices and our (well not me as I don't have one) pensions will be affected by drops in share prices and when the bottom falls out of the market all the pension companies find their backside exposed to the world. Remember GB takes about £5 billion every year out of the pension companies to fund his wet dreams!

And now GB's poodle Purnell is trying to criminalise all the unemployed and also to force temporary council workers to lose their only source of income by forcing the unemployed to take their jobs on a criminal wage structure. I see this all ending badly...for everyone!

I noticed that Spanish banks are trying to buy our banks; that French energy companies are trying to buy our energy companies. (EDF have just announced a price increase for gas of 22%...yes 22%!!) Remember when we used to do the buying not the selling. I think this is GB's secret way of getting us into the heart of Europe...by allowing them to buy our companies!

Meanwhile, do what ever lies nearest!

Geography spot:

The White House, the White House (yes two of them), Casa Rosada, Groote Schuur, Quirinal Palace, Schonbrunn Palace.

Word spot:

Mandate, order, legislation, nanny state.

Day Four of the Drought! When will it end!

Yes it's only day four but we are all prostrated by the heat. In Africa and Australia they don't start counting till Year Four but this is London!

Look, just look!, not only smell the exhaust fumes from all the traffic on the roads. This is air you can see and it is not good for you...but let's attack smokers for lighting up one cigarette...priorities seem screwed up to me. Soon the gardens will be dying ...throwing lots of people out of work to add to the bonus paid to the appropriate Minister in Westminster.

And no (Thrice Ney!) I will not be sharing a bath with a friend....I unfortunately have friends in low places. Although there are a few who I would accept, if not with open arms, then an offer of soap.(Shit! did I really say that! Steady down, Rom and Adam!) Who would you most like to share a shower with...and be reasonable..answers in comments below! I remember saying to a friend who had been waiting for Mr Right, for well, it seems like forever! what would happen if he turns up and his first name is Always! Where would you be then!

Well if you are feeling low and gloomy as well as exhausted by the drought, you can always draw solace from my whimsical, almost daily, ramblings right here! Just remember that no good deed will go unpunished!

I see that all the big supermarkets are having really large sales, and even starting price wars over petrol prices, not that I care about the price at the pumps as I walk everywhere..it is healthy, and I wouldn't like GB to get on my case if I was unemployed and obese! Besides it's cheaper to walk, especially when you are financially embarrassed. These sales still won't affect me as I have spent my allocation for the two weeks....it doesn't go far.

Of course one way to get more money is to have kids..but that seems drastic to me. One way to save money is to use the loos at your place of employment/training. Please use the facilities carefully and do not abuse the privilege, or yourselves for that matter. How come loo paper always runs out at the most crucial moment of extreme eliminatory need?

There are great bargains available on train travel as well but this probably involves booking 12 years in advance, and, the big catch, you have to travel in a party of four! I, alas and alack, travel life's lonely highway by myself......probably because I've never had a fixed destination, nor ever needed one! I think the journey is better than the arrival!

With GB's new expected blitz on unemployed people, I suppose I'll have to pick up a hod, and do with it whatever you do with a hod...what exactly is it. I have barely enough energy to come to my training course due to my being on the JSA diet. What will all the Polish people do if I take their jobs? I worry about this and a lot of other things as well because I am a caring, sharing sort of person! Anyway these people may well be Estonians...who ever knows, certainly not this mis-government.

Geography spot:

Tromso, Lille, Firenze, Hue, Edo (latterly known as Tokyo).

Word spot:

Dissolution, disillusion, disassemble, do-be-doo-bee-doo.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is Really an Approaching Train!

I've been away for a few days as I had a fall and have hurt my ribs and shoulder. Not too serious and I'll be back in a flash...better than new!

Hortus Siccus!

I just completed an exam and I am not in a good mood. I feel that the quality of the exam is tainted by the fact that there are obvious errors on the paper and I did not know whether to correct the data or use it as such in case there was a later question adjusting these errors. Slipshod management!

Well never mind, let's carry on!

Things that I do not understand!

Speed bumps...try going over them in a bus

Width restrictions on roads...as above

Mini roundabouts....as above

Parking cameras and wardens in same location

GB (Scots Division) of UK Ltd

Car alarms.....who ever responds

Leviticus...about homosexuals and menstruating women

Things I do like:

Walking in and out of a rain shower in windless conditions. There is a clear edge to the rain fall.

Walking along the river.

Walking through a park in a rainstorm.

Cold nights when you can cuddle up..in my case with three pillows.

A nice cup of tea,,,with three sugars. Is that a problem!

The unemployment figures have risen dramatically again and will, probably, continue to get worse. Will the Minister qualify for a performance bonus?

The banks continue to rip everyone of by making £6 billion on overdrafts and current accounts. Why are they allowed to get away with this, and for so long?

Well we gear up for another season of fantasy financial football....who will be the biggest transfer this season. Who will earn the highest weekly wage...and be worth it!

I, unfortunately, support The Mighty Ipswich Town Football Club, for my sins. But I do remember the glory days of yesteryear! I suppose Spurs fans are pretty much used to this feeling as well. And rightly so, in my humble opinion!

Apparently all we've got to look forward to on TV this weekend is repeats, and more repeats! So what is new about that!

Beavers in Gloucester! Good God above!beavers...any sign of lumberjacks! wolves! bears! This really is going green, isn't it!

Geography spot:

Davis Strait, Visla River (see yesterday), Recife, Malaga, Trondheim.

Word spot:

Horst,dastardly, lugubrious, salubrious, infamous.

The meaning of the title: a collection of uninteresting facts; like a dry garden.

Something Darkly This Way Comes

What's going on! The Bank of England cannot contain inflation, all prices are going through the roof - food, fuel, electricity, gas clothes, insurance. House prices are falling down. Wages...well! who knows watching today's strike by council workers. Re-sale values for cars probably going down the river with this new tax structure about to fall on us.

Frankly I am in the dark!

Benefits for unemployed etc. are calculated using September figures and are then applied the following April. September is used as the base rate period as everyone has spent themselves out over the summer holiday period and have no money to spend and this is reflected in all the indices ie very low! And this is what benefit increases are based on.

So lets hope the indices stay high for a while to help the people who really need the help. Sorry about the rest of you, yeh! I know it sucks, but try seeing it from my angle....everything is up from here!

Where is PRUDENCE when we need him! I say, dig up Maggie and give her another go! It's always the same, everything keeps changing!

Frankly I am in the dark!

The stock market lost £30 billion yesterday, which is 2.4% of the market (valuing the market at circa £1,250 billion). Who is selling? why are they selling? I think it is the brokers themselves who are on commission for every purchase and sale, so they win every time. Remember when this type of computer generated selling hit the market before?

In a market like this - why has Sterling gone up against the Euro and the US dollar? How does that work?

Frankly I am in the dark!

The civil servant who resigned from HMRC over the lost data fiasco is awarded £2.3 million in pension and lump sum pay-of under civil service rules. Why?

Frankly I am in the dark!

I was walking through my local parks the other day and I noticed that there were a lot of branches lying on the ground, some were simply enormous, and no danger/security barriers were in place. One particular large bough which seemed to be the entire crown of the tree was lying against a fence for a leisure area where lots of kiddies were playing organised football and tennis. Just now across the street from where I am, water is leaking from between the pavement slabs, presumably from a mains pipe beneath. It may explode in a cataclysmic water spray soon (I hope). But who is supposed to report these damages, and to whom are we supposed to report them. Years ago it all seemed joined-up and we knew the council would either take charge or arrange for the appropriate service to be called out. But who has the responsiblity now? It all seems fractured somehow.

Frankly I am in the dark!

Is Keane really worth £20 million? Then Ronaldo must be worth £90 million! OH! He is! Well there's a thing!

Geography spot:

Volga River, Maracaibo, Kingston (Jam), River Don, River Donau.

Word spot:

Hazzan, scatology, politics, impetus, trough, parliamentarian, confabulation.

If you have any thoughts at all, leave a comment below, if you're game enough.

I will answer.

The Remedy is often worse than the Disease.

Oh! by the way, I discovered that my doctor is not moving to Donnington. No, it is British Grand Prix that will be staged there. I suppose I should read the story carefully and not just splash headlines.

A headline in the Fulham Gazette stated that there was a stampede of job seekers at the Job Fair in Hammersmith, on 08/07/2008. Well actually, we were all told it was mandatory attendance, even if we had no skills in retail. That is why so many people turned up, and descended into chaos!

Tax Credits! - who understands them! why do we need them! Why not go back to the old methods that seemed to work before GB (Scots Division) got his intricate little mind on them when he was only the Chancellor. I think it is that he prefers the obscure to the simple in everything he does. Yet another Labour fiasco.

Incidentally, if he evicts all these families out of their council homes because of their behaviour of their children, where will they all live? In his constituency, I hope. The bracing air in Scotland should at least keep them indoors for a change.

I see that they are planning to import baobab fruit from Africa to be used in smoothies! Why not leave it there for the starving Africans, if it so good for you!

Geography search:

Bass Strait, Vistula River, Lima, Saskatchewan.

Word play:

Remote, antagonistic, holistic, heroic, erotic.

Try one of the simple games on the right, but remember the spelling will be Yankee not English!

Leave all comments below, and I'll try to get back at you!

Please! Dispose of your Hypotheticals Safely!!

I thought I would have a bit of a rant this morning as I felt out of it all over the weekend. And also I am still afraid that England will manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, yet again, at Lords.

Apparently expansion at Heathrow has run into the Racial Equality Act as future departures from the northern runway may take them over areas in which mainly ethnic minorities live.

Are the Keen's credible parliamentary material?

Matthew Parris lived on the dole for a week for a TV show and now he is apparently qualified to write about conditions affecting all those on benefits. Perhaps he should try the JSA diet today, if he has any moral instincts left after years at the trough. Who or what is a Gertrude Himmelfarb?

The Serious Fraud Office case against suppliers to the NHS collapsed after a decision by a judge based on a quibble in law. The companies have already paid out £34 million to the NHS to settle civil claims. What is this about? They did it and pay for the crime but will not admit guilt??

Did you know there are 100 bishops in Nigeria plus and archbishop...how many are there in England...are they all necessary?

Did you know that senior civil servants get paid bonuses? What for? If the unemployment figures go up does whatever-his-name-is get a performance bonus? Do MP's get a bonus..what for blethering on endlessly in Westminster or by the minutes they get coverage on TV?

On average do the people listed below really earn these amounts:

Teacher/lecturer £35919 pa

Journalist/broadcaster £35620 pa

Police officer £38352 pa

Lawyers/judges £56246 pa

Doctors/consultants £82432 pa

Do deckchairs cost £1.50 per day?

We seem to live in a surveillance society with our freedoms being eroded by yet more draconian legislation by this present government. Their answer to everything is to introduce more and more legislation, when the existing laws are not even being enforced or applied. We don't need more laws about knife control, we just need more cops to be visible on the streets, not in their high powered boy racer cars or in the station.I think this will all end in tears.

Look at the national DNA base, biometric ID cards, 42 day detention, anti-terrorist laws, all the cctv cameras blighting our city centres!

And people still denigrate Shami Chakrabarti! What is their problem?

Who would name companies as such: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mae, Indie Mae and then let them crash. Is this all coming our way again. WE have already had our Northern Rock. Well there is still all the big banks not coming clean about their off-balance sheet activities!

Geography spot:

Gdynia, River Ob, Antifagusta, Brest-Litovsk.

Word games:

Coracle, calicle, thanatology, mainstay.

The artist from Friday's question was GIOTTO! Apparentl, he could draw freehand a perfect circle. This is very rare.

Please feel free to leave comments below and let me know what you think...of anything!

You can't teach a New Dog old Tricks!

It seems that Britain is on the verge of collapse, which worries me. All prices seem to be rising through the roof, industry seems to be the verge of recession, the construction trade is laying off thousands of workers...does this mean the Poles who work in the industry will go home?

Think of all the U-turns that GB has made already, and the cost of them, and what will happen with car tax and the fuel escalator later in the year. Remember that the biometric ID cards are still hanging over our heads...think of the cost of that. And now this government wants to build two new aircraft carriers...for God's sake, why? They are surely an outdated mode of warfare..perhaps check with Jane's.

Following the Northern Rock debacle, why doesn't GB help out B & B?

His latest brainwave,to secure the UK's future oil supplies,is to send troops to Nigeria to secure the oil industry infrastructure. We're still bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, aren't we? Will these troops be correctly equipped for the climate..it is not desert!

GB feels that "revulsion" will solve the problem of Mugabe. If revulsion works then why isn't he back in Scotland as Scottish Labour Leader already! Remember that the price of houses is collapsing so he should get a real bargain in Edinburgh if he buys now.

The last time we introduced sanctions in that area of the world it was against Ian Smith and UDI....they worked then didn't they? Ooops!

Do green taxes work? and how? Will we benefit from them or will they go to cover the costs of all GB's screw-ups and U-turns?

The Crown Estates returned taxpayers a surplus of £211.4 million last year on assets valued at £7.33 billion. Who says the Royal Family costs us, the taxpayers, large sums every year?

David Cameron is coming down hard on Tory MEP's regarding their expense claims, but lets his MP's at Westminster vote against any audits here. Is this hypocrisy from the noble green-blue leader-in-waiting, or am I naive?

Sewing buttons on shirts is a highly skilled task and with my lack of hand/eye co-ordination, I just cannot do it. That is also why I can't play those silly bloody games on computers!

Geography spot

Kirkil Islands, Feauvoux Straits, Ulan Bator, Abuja.

Arty spot

What artist was able to draw a perfect circle? Answer Monday!

Glum and Lethargic

Today I feel glum and lethargic.....it could be because I've given up drinking (for financial not health reasons, I might add) according to scientists who did a study in mice. Did they drink as much as I did? or was it scaled down to a thimble a week? it doesn't seem fair to equate me to a mouse, even for scientific reasons. I feel slighted somehow!Mind you, it could just be the bloody weather again!

Anyway, I went for a blood test today, and I weighed myself. Since I began the terrific JSA DIET my weight has fallen from 88 kilos to 73 kilos! Does GB realise how effective his benefit system is. Is he on a diet (apart from official engagements on behalf of us all......does he eat that much!)? Let's hope he will soon be on the JSA or he could take that position in Scotland his friend gave up recently..Leader of Scottish Labour Party...this seems to suit his talents more than his present position.

I know the economy seems to be crashing (who was Chancellor for 10 years?) but I remember when a tin of baked beans was 3p, a loaf of bread was 14p and I recall some cheap cheese that tasted like soap that when grilled etc was quite a filling meal. Now even Sainsbury feel the pinch and prices have gone up on the staple food groups. Where will it all lead to?

I hope Ronaldo stays...he is a ray of sunshine through our dark dreary winter!

I've added some extras on the side to help you while away your day and they are also educational, but beware of the spelling tests as I think they are all Yankee versions of the real words.

Geography spot

Droitwich, Umtali, Kitwe, Long Beach, Venice (USA).

Job Fair - Hammersmith

Sorry about Monday, but I was feeling off colour and couldn't bring myself to touch the keyboard. Yesterday was a completely different matter. I had to go to a job fair in Hammersmith...most of the jobs related to the new Westfield shopping centre in Shepherds Bush, and if I say it was chaotic..take it to the extreme! I heard on the radio later that it was shut down because 3,000 people turned up to fit into a room that held 500!! Who organised this? The loud speakers were extremely loud, probably to cover the sound of all the Jumbo 747's taking GB and his hangers-on to Hokkaido, Japan for their big jamboree, with exclusive catering to the highest degree. One of the reasons so many people turned up was that we were advised that attendance was MANDATORY, which explains the large crowd. We spent over an hour just queueing up outside before we got in..into to the chaos!

I didn't know MANDY was still here. I thought Tony gave him, and his Brazilian, some job in Brussels, to keep him out of the Sunday papers, yet again. I also did not know he was a TORY. Well you live and learn.

Did you catch last years promises from the panjandrums in Japan. Keep repeating a lie often enough and you start to believe it!

The British Chambers of Commerce advise that there might be up to 200,000 job losses in the next 18 months. So, the first thing the BBC does is offer large increases to all the Time Lords who run our public service broadcaster to help them if they face the chop later on. How many staff and assorted hangers-on will the BBC take to Peking...more than the number of athletes, I'll bet!

Should we have a phone-in on these matters.....would the results accurately reflect the opinion of the callers?

Other Matters of Interest

If USA is worried about a threat from Iran, WHY are they basing missiles in Poland and the Czech Republics?

What is teabagging (4 yr old sex education classes)?

GB always seems so ponderous it is no wonder he cannot make adjustments and small policy changes, but blunders on full of ballast until he hits a U-turn, and then he has trouble altering course.

There was a report about dementia in woman which stated that a well-educated woman was less exposed than those who were not as intelligent?? When do education and intelligence correlate?

Red Tape

Don't just worry about the red tape infecting the police force, yes, I still think it is a force and not a service. Look at what all the red tape has done to small and medium sized companies with all the incessant changes and obligations required by GB.

In a local paper I saw that my GP was to be re-located to Donnington. Where is Donnington? why is he going there? does he even know? or is this another pie-in-the-sky policy from the hand of GB.

Does anyone know what "scuolas" means in Italian.

What is a cilice?

Geograpy Spot

What is the main city on Hokkaidi?

Art Spot

Who was Hokusai?

Knowledge speaks; wisdom listens!

We all seem to have acquired a cultivated ignorance (ignorantia affectata) about our society. We know why and how things are happening or going wrong eg theses bloody knife killings etc, but we don't seem to want to acknowledge that we may be able to prevent these horrible happenings. I think it's also known as deniability. It all started with the pinko radicals and subsided into New Labour with all their social engineering. Where do we go from here.

Why can't we pay our Gurkha soldiers the same pension as UK born soldiers. They do the same job and some times a whole lot better and they have a proud history of service to our country and our Crown. Fair's fair, Gordon!

Young Polish people living here have taken to speaking Ponglish (tuba - tube, taksy - taxi) so we don't understand them. Here's a clue - speak Polski and we still won't understand you.

If the police horses are permitted to empty their bowels in the street- don't complain...this is really good manure for the garden The Queen sells off the residue of her the Army horses at the Royal Mews. More police horse patrols for residential streets should be the answer, nicht war?

Did you know that Google owned Youtube?

Did you know that Microsoft owns MySpace?

Did you know that Microsoft owns NBC?

Who will own Yahoo!

Who owns what these days.

Should I know and should I care?

Are MP's greedy? Yes or No!

Are Harriet Harmon and Jackie Smith credible ministers let alone credible politicians? For that matter is David Cameron?

Who will I vote for now. Politics seems to have taken a lead from the women who play at Wimbledon... no heavyweights around to entertain us - except of course GB (Scots Div) of UK Ltd - and he's a bundle of joy, isn't he?

Geography spot

Lake Victoria, Athabasca, Grozny, Tripoli.

Word spot

Pretentious, awesome, belligerent, pissed off.

Disaster areas

Ads with puppy dogs aimed a preventing crimes, Anyone heard of freedom of expression.

Are bicycle shops cashing in on this green movement. How many billions will this government spend on useless bike lanes, when they all ride on the pavement?

Why do you park on a driveway, and drive on a parkway?

Charity begins at Home

A government study released yesterday that a person needs an annual income of around £13,500.00 just to survive, and this does not include rent. Try living on job seekers allowance! The report also states that some poor people are missing meals each day. Try living on the benefits..you can really eat only once a day.

For all those people suffering from obesity..solution - use the JSA diet. And, of course, the worst sin of all if you smoke!..you'll soon be forced to give up the filthy weed as you cannot afford a pack of cigarettes at £5.80 a pack (most of the price is tax so how hard is GB (Scots Div) of UK Ltd really behind the anti-smoking campaign).

So Murray's out at last...nut don't worry, he still collects nearly £97,000.00 for playing four games. He may never win anything major, but what the hell! maybe he'll hang around for 10 years like Pussy Tim and bore us to death while banking a fortune, and add on anyone fool enough to sponsor him. Write to any company in which you own shares and order not to waste your money on sponsoring him. Maybe Paraguay can help him out!

I was walking along a very busy A-road simply jammed with traffic pumping all sorts of poisonous toxins into the air, when a lady walking along abjected to the cigarette I was smoking! Looked at her id dismay, indicated the traffic and told her to get a life. Wake up and smell the coffee, bitch.

Do discarded balloons create a worse environmental impact than discarded cigarette butts?

Well, everything is back to normal, nearly, in Iraq. Do you remember the good old days of rape, pillage and plunder! Well, apart from the rape bit, it's called economic development (or exploitation)!

Well done to BP and Shell. those great UK companies, for managing a slice of the pie in Iraq for the new oilfield development from the American owners.

And you thought the war was about Bush's oil interests, when it was in fact fought for deeper held beliefs in the principles and applications of the democratic process, and of course, to finish off what his father couldn't or wouldn't.

Disaster spots today!

Can't think of any at this moment but will update data later.

Geography check.

Kamchatka, Tierra del Feugo, Cancun, St Lawrence River, Gozo.

Words to include in your daily vocabulary (if you possibly can; in fact the only one I know who seems to do this is my good friend Toby...bless).

velocity, digitalis, Pagliacci, tragedy.

Sometimes I feel like a log on a fire - glowing brightly on the outside, maybe, but kind of hollow and burnt out inside!

We all belong on Court 18, really!

Well today started off fine...I sat a three hour examination and when I hit question 2 I hit a blank wall. I couldn't for the life of me remember what to do!
I soldiered on in my indomitable fashion and ,made it to the end. And what an end it was. I shudder to think of the results! Time for a drink or three!
Anyway, back to reality.

I see that the African Union meeting gave Mugabe a hero's welcome...well what did you really expect? Some sort of common-sense from unelected dictators! remember Emperor Bakassia!!

The local councils have decided in their wisdom that stopping smoking is more important a target then reducing assaults! They worry about reducing teen-age pregnancies and all the social engineering targets espoused by New Labour but ignore the real crimes affecting everyone else. Just look at the crime figures for London with knife attacks on young people. Perhaps these people, those with and without the knives, should be out fucking! Then the councils will help them especially if they take up, if they haven't already, smoking, for God's sake.
Does anyone know which indoor plants have an environmental impact ie I heard that some sorts of trees clear smoke from the atmosphere..is it a parlour palm (chaemedora elegans?)

With all this hullabaloo about house price falls....do you remember when the prices went through the roof and nobody could afford them or get a mortgage to cover the costs. And now no one can afford them because they can't get a mortgage because the banks don't have any money. Well they do but they will only lend it to each other at exorbitant rates. The BoE puts interest rates down and the mortgage lenders put their interest rates up...how does that work. Perhaps now is the time to look at Europe (unfortunately) where they sensibly use more rented accommodation on reasonable rents and long term contracts. Maybe Europe is not all wrong about everything..or maybe they are!

Disaster areas to be on guard for:

Cyprus no water. Thank God the Greeks are shipping some in
London hose pipe ban and water leakages from main lines now that
summer has come back from Capistrano
Wimbledon today when Murray gets thrashed by Nadal (Hooray! Hooray!)

Geopgraphy spot:

Droitwich; M25 Parking Lot; Tuvulu; Turks and Caicos Islands.
What do these mean; eustatic change; isostatic change; gneiss.

Words for you to play with:

Conchology,pantheism, a bouquet of (what?).

I'll leave you with thought....what happens if Liverpool and Tottenham switch Crouch for Keane? Good/bad move?

Absence makes the Heart grow fondue!

Well I'm back to take a look through the half empty glass - darkly!

Walkng back from Acton last week through a local park I saw a kid dressed in a silver shiny suit. I asked his mother if he was the Tin Man from Wizard of Ox or a spaceman1 She looked bemused and replied that he was a Cyberman! Well of course, I said, it's the 21st century. I asked if she knew that Judy Garland was dead...by the look on her face I realised she didn't even know who she was...oh well! another nail in my coffin, I thought. So I did just that and lit up another nail in my coffin!

Yes, I'm a Marlboro man till the day they nail that lid on! I did give up once...yes I remember, that was last Tuesday and what a hellish day that was - withdrawal symptoms, mood swings, biting my nails and scraping my fingers through my hair! I'll never go through that again! How does Amy Winehouse et al keep doing it?

Bye the bye, I saw her on TV at Glastonbury and I thought she was fabulous..a mixture of Billy Holiday and Bette Middler!!

Acton W3

Let me tell you a bit about Acton which is where I am doing a course on job training. The first time I went there I did not know what to expect - duelling banjoes, perhaps? hoodies? gangs of yout's running about?

Well it all came as a pleasant surprise. It is a very multicultural area, and to tell the truth there does not seem to be too much English spoken in the street although all the shops and traders do understand it. It's very colourful and one good thing the prices are half what they are in leafy green Chiswick! The variety of food on offer is extremely wide and all looks good enough to eat! The big chains are all represented but the variety of other food is remarkable!

There is a market outside the church every Friday with all sort of good things to but, not that I would; there is even an Australian pie-man there but at £2.50 a pie, I think they must come over first class on Quaintass!

Rambling yet again!

I noticed that there is a vacancy for a labour leader in Scotland and I was wondering if GB (ScotsDiv) of UK Ltd might like to apply for the job now; he'll be needing a new one soon the way he's stroking this country up!

Well done Espana! You deserved it although I was cheering for Russia.....yes I know it was really anyone but Deutschland uber Alles! It was team work really what done it and all the big flair players seem to be on hold. I wonder about their sale values now?

Geography spot - can you find these on the globe?

Malage, Bathurst, Great Slave Lake,Guam.

Can you differentiate between fjords, fjards, rias,and

Dalmatian coastal structures?

Word enhancement!

Feed-back, noetic, quango.

Disaster warning areas.

Midsomer anything - murders every day?

Miss Marples - as above?

International aid donations to Africa - why not send them straight to the appropriate Swiss bank account of the current despot in power.

Afghanistan - fro British soldiers

Zimbabwe - for democratic expression of opinion.

All the running I do just to stay in one place!

Sorry, I missed you yesterday, but to be honest I was off-colour.However, that did not stop me from having some thought-provoking thoughts. Some questions, no answers. I'll give you some facts, figures ,conjectures and even some warnings, but after all that it is up to you. I feel the dark encroaching even as I type!

Disaster areas to be avoided like the plague!

Burma..Cyclones.

China.. earthquakes and after shocks (do not go near hydro-electric dams, either)

Philippines.. typhoons and never use the ferries

UK.. flood damage or rather the lack of flood damage controls

Everest.. full of litter, oxygen canisters and even frozen dead bodies

Antarctica.. as for Everest, but I don't think there are any frozen corpses there or none that they talk about

Mortgages.. even the BIG BANKS are hurting but not as much as you!

(Wasn't there a church founded on a ROCK? but that was SOUTH of here somewhere)

Wimbledon.. for any British tennis player

Michele's hair in the morning before the magic box is opened..although with the new hair style this is not such a problem, and anyway I must stay on her good side as she will be doing the flowers for my commemoration services, and I do not want her to go too over the top, know what I mean? (This means no more Elaine Paige comments, please....touchy feely!)

Geography spot

Could you place these places on a globe with a certain accuracy. I think I can....possibly, maybe with 100% accuracy!

Baikal, Novy Zemlya, Kerala, Potchefstroom, Agadir, Aswan, Missoula, Mareeba, Edo (historical), Peking (it's disappeared like Burma!?)Nova Sofala.

I have often wondered why people climb Mt Everest or Kilimanjaro, or swim with sharks or sting rays or even Mao Tse Tung (did he really or was it spin). Don't say - because it's there. So is the landfill site to the east of London but would you like to climb it, it is massive!

Also, can you explain to me what these are:- a heat island; terra rossa; cumulus.

Word spot

Munificent; BOGOF, demulsify, cd-rw.

Comedy, like Biometric I.D. Cards, is an Unnatural Act.

Some thoughts that have passed my way as I stroll along the byways of leafy West London through Southfields Recreation Ground on my way to not so leafy Acton, but the prices of most things are half what they are in W4!

UNISON, the council workers union, have voted to strike. There are 600,000 members, the turnout was 45% and they voted 25% to strike...how's my maths?

The Energy companies say price rises are inevitable...already up 15% in 2008 and may rise to 40%. What are their profits like?

UK Ltd spends £250 million to fight the drugs trade in Afghanistan and the Taliban makes £50 million profit...why can't UK Ltd run the railways at a profit?

Why is Mandela having his 90th birthday party here?...is a prophet not welcome in his own land...look at me!

The mayonaise ad with the kiss is a no-no, but what about all the soaps chasing the pink pound in the time slots aimed at kids?

What about Mugabe..(Eh! Bah! Gum! lad)..well what can you say! Be like GB (Scots Div) of UK Ltd and say Nowt!

When will this drought finish...I know it's only been about 3 days and a proper drought is 3 years, but, have you been on the underground or even on a bus in this weather. No neither have I, as due to unforseen circumstance, I have to use Shank's pony...and even then one of my legs has been injured in a football injury scare...yes, I kicked out at a chair when I saw yet another perfect swan dive from Ronaldo...can Real really afford £80 million or might they prefer the teenage wonder who will represent UK at the Olympics..his name has escaped me for the moment!

I find it inconvenient to be poor; but what is the option while suffering unemployment!

The people who seem to do the most harm in the world are those going about doing good!!

The universe is simply indifferent.

Geography spot: Point Loma, Da Nang, Green Island.

Word spot: paradisiacal, exasperated, catastrophic.

Flora and Fauna: frittalary, peonies, roe deer, vixen.

Blue Monday....why doesn't it rain!

I'm feeling a bit blue today..probably a result of my little tiff with the Job Centre last week.
Oh well what can you do? Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all!

I noticed that the Police in Hampshire hace taken delivery of an armoured\landrover to use in sieges??? In Hampshire......am I missing something here? Why not loan it to the Army in Afghanistan to protect the soldiers there!

Here's some geography for you. Where are the following: Coronado Bridge; Swe Dagon temple: Kuranda.

Word spot for today: uticaria; proximate; heedeth not.

Well I'm off now. When you have nothing to say, say nothing!

It's a lot of work being me!

Well Dear Readers, today is my last birthday! I do not want anymore, I refuse to acknowledge them...I will always be a fifty-something! Life is but a walking shadow and a poor player.

I've tried to work myself to death; I've tried to laze myself to death; I've tried to drink myself to death; I've tried to smoke myself to death - but, dammit, I have survived! So let's see what's up that damned highway!
But enough about me.

Sports talk

Euro2008 still continues to amaze me. Where is Ronaldo? perhaps he was on the bench with Mario Gomez from Germany! Well let's see what happens tonight with Turkey and Croatia. Maybe Germany gets to play Croatia again in semis.

Life style

Even though the oil and gas companies as well as all the service supply companies associated with energy report astronomical profits in the billions, we are all facing potential price increases of plus or minus 40%. And what is GB(Scots Div) of UK Ltd doing about it for us....nothing! he is busy counting all the VAT and excise duties he is collecting as the prices scream out of control.

Well he seemed a pretty effective back room boy as Chancellor, but out of the shadow and in front of us he seems woeful and incompetent. Why doesn't he join his mate Mandy and La Brasilia in Brussels and run Europe....oh that's right he was Tony's crony.

okay away now and leave me to drown my sorrows in a glass of water,(unfortunately my benefit has not been paid through an administration error somewhere between Acton and Glasgow)

Words for today: advection; imbroglio; pottage

The whole world seems to be in a state of Chassis

Big Brown
Gb (Scots Div) of UK Ltd asserts that we need to be in the heart of Europe as over 3 million people depend on it for jobs. I didn't know we had that many MEPs and hanger-ons over there riding the Gravy Train. I would live to see their expense claims.

He assured us that he will never shirk his responsibilities to keep our neighbourhoods safe - even if that required new anti-terrorism powers. I thought that all we really wanted was a couple of cops on the corner or walking up and down the streets instead of slowly strangling on red tape back at the stations or driving pomposouly around in their jampots!

Sports Talk

My best wishes go out to Tiger Woods and I hope he has a successful operation and a speedy recovery. We need all the heroes we can get..even if they are filthy rich!

I couldn't help notice how some of the highly rated stars of football have flopped, or at best not produced their best, at the Euro2008 finals. The list is quite long and includes some really big names! I wonder what is going on?
I wa pleased to see the results last night when Russia beat Sweden, no reason really. But there is a problem!! How can we worship at the feet of a new STAR called Jerk-Off/ Think what will happen to teenage boys around the world as they suffer RSI in their right hands!!

Did anyone else think that Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Sweden, beleive it or don't) looks a lot like Ian Thorpe (Australian swimming sensation).

Words for today: codger; obloquy; tubular.
Try to use these words in your everyday conversations!

By the way did Big Brown win the Triple Crown accross the Pond?

A Midweek Sense of Ennui

Sports Talk

Yes! Henrythenavigator won at Royal Ascot yesterday, but he was odds on. I would rather have picked the second last and last winners at, respectivley, 20-1 and 100-1. But there you go!

Well at least Italy got through at the expense of the French...well done. Was it only me, but did Thierry Henry turn up last night. I seem to recall he did the same thing in a recent game somewhere...he does not seem interested anymore: maybe too jmuch money. He reminded me of Ronaldo and Brasil in the last world cup! Mind you what happened to Luca Toni for Italy...how come he cannot seem to get the ball in the net....does he need vision correction?

Strange how potent cheap music is!

I was riding the bus and a group of youths got on all loaded down with their music Ipods, all leaking out loud but indecipherable music notes (?). It just sounds like a rabble; but why do they have to play it so loud.

It is not only youths with pods you have to worry about. It's also all those people who drive cars with very efficient and effective sound systems. The whole car acts as a sound box as they park outside my window in the mornings and evenings and then sit for minutes (seems like hours) listening to the last item of news/piece of music before they exit the car.

I sound like Victor Meldrew! But there are few who can grow old with grace.

Fish. Yes! Fish

Who is eating all our fish from the North Sea. I have discovered a piece of battered cod now costs over £5.00. I cannot afford this as I am still suffering from Unemployment, and the symptoms seem to worsen each day. There is evidence of overfishing in our coastal waters, but how do you alleviate this problem. Do nothing and hope for the best! Remember, nothing, like something, happens anywhere.

Words for today: cathead; recondite; macrocosm

I suggest you try to add these words to your everyday vocabulary!

A Day in the Life of a Mature Student

Dear Reader: Tomorrow is another day!

Tuesday dawned as usual... so nothing new there. However it is summer and that means that all the plants and flowers will be blooming...and of course the pollen count will rise accordingly.

Floreat Flora

As I walk around I cannot help but notice the beautiful displays in all the gardens and parks. The birds seem to love this season as well as the buggers wake up at 3.30 am and start screaming either for food or a mate. I sometimes think I'd like to machine gun the lot of them. But of course that would not be right, right!

I don't know much about flowers and plants but I do know people who do. If you want to contact them them email to wheelersofturnhamgreen@hotmail.co.uk.
For queries about flowers ask for Spencer, for bouquets, weddings and funeral ask for Michele and for plants and shrubs and garden design ask for Jason. I think you will be pleased with their professionalism and friendliness.
As I always say: You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!

Sport Talk

Well Done, Tiger! I had moments when I thought you would fail, but obviously you did not. You have won $100 million in prize money and probably earned more than that in sponsorship deals......did I tell you I'm suffering from unemployment?

Well done to Germany last night...they finally got through to play Portugal in the next round. I love it when Germany's Polish players score goals, OK! I know Ballach is German, and also when Switzerland's Turkish player scores their goals! This is real European football except for the Brazilian players who have crept in to a few of the other teams.

The next big decision is whether you want les Bleuse or the Azzurri to win, and if you prefer les Marsellaises or il Canta degli Italiano!

Can anyone give me a tip for Royal Ascot.....and don't give me Henry the Navigator as I already have picked him!

Words for today: portentous, groyne, semiotics.

Illegitimis non Carborandum

Weekend Warrior

Well another new week creeps onto the scope and I wonder where it will end.But either way, I will attempt to keep up the good fight.

Altogether I did not have a bad weekend. I even went for a walk down to the river and spent some time in the sun...although as I think I have mentioned I am not a summer person....give me winter anytime. I think of the snow as a white silence falling down to embrace all the trees, houses and the ground.

There were a lot of people on and around the river. They all seemed happy and busy but I do not think anyone noticed me which is usual because I think I do not cast a shadow these days. I used to, but it has been fading away for a while.
It's like the song has ended but the melody lingers on.There seems to be a stream running through my life that I can hear but cannot see.....and I don't mean the Thames. By the way the water in the river looked exceptionally clear.

TV highlights

On the sports side I nearly wept with laughter last night when Turkey beat the Czechs in Euro 2008 and God bless 'em even Switzerland won a game beating Portugal's third reserve side. Now all we need is Austria to dump the germs out of the competition and all will be sweet in the Kingdom of Egos and Loads of Money.

Just what can you say about Rafael Nadal! Wimbledon will be oh so good! this year. But who do I want to win....decisions! decisions!

Food tips for the Hungry and Needy

I must mention a really nice restaurant that I think is worth your while. It's in West Ealing past the Fire Station and is called Food Factory...it serves Persian cuisine and is reasonably priced and very edible. Eat and enjoy!

Words for today: ferruginous; muskeg; taurine