C'est cafard!.

I can't believe the news can get any worse. It seems that economic collapse is around the corner. All our big companies are being bought by overseas bidders, all the indices are going through the roof. Gas and electricity prices have gone sky high, food prices rocket, house prices fall, unemployment figures rise dramatically, with large new losses to be announced by companies in the near future. Enormous, unbelievable profit figures announced by all the banks and utility companies along with falling share prices. What next! Oh! BA wants to merge with Iberia! Why, where's the benefit except future job losses, I think we'll see!

Everyone is talking about windfall taxes on particular groups of companies...Why? This money will surely just disappear into the Treasury and we will see no benefit. They will probably buy or build new fighter aircraft or another aircraft carrier! Why don't they force them to reduce their prices so it will impact directly on the suffering consumers.

I wonder how long I can go on with my JSA diet, which has been heavily impacted by rising prices for basic foods and services. My rent has just been increased to reflect rising utility prices. I think this will end in tears...yes! for me!

Only 1 in 5 knife assault cases ends in a gaol term. Why? I thought the law was clear on this... if found with a knife it was an automatic 5 years inside. They have the legislation, why don't they enforce it. No! they want to introduce more and more legislation..probably just to keep them in jobs. I don't think this is very joined up government at all, do you?

Never mind, let's just look on the bright side for a while..at least England aren't being completely humiliated in the cricket..yet. But it is only the second day!

Geography spot:

Ankara,Belgrade, Lusaka (Lucapa), Kuala Lumpur, Noumea.

Word spot:

Discipline, patience, coolness, sang-froid, cunning.

There is Music in the Air!

Unfortunately, I have a headache from the bloody heat and cannot focus on anything. Anyway, I think it's that blasted hip/hop/reggae/rap sort of stuff with no words just yelling and no rhythm just noise.

It is so hot I cannot compose any lyrical odes today and so will love you and leave you and hope for rain tomorrow so I can think again.

Que sais-je?

The Poles Don't Want GB as Prime Minister!

I heard a report on the radio that stated that The Poles did not want GB as Prime Minister. Well that's hardly a surprise..neither do we! but we can't get rid of him it seems. Even the Scots don't seem to like him anymore! Anyway, why can't he try somewhere like Latvia or Andorra..somewhere where he can display the entire gamut of his vast experience, wisdom and deep gravitas!

Oops, just seen a headline in a paper and it wasn't the Poles who didn't want GB as PM, it was polls...you know those people who think they know what we want! So that makes sense then, does it!

I also see that the enquiry into MP's expenses will be delayed by at least a year....well, who would have thought it!

On a really hot stultifying day like today, it's time to calm down and think of green and pleasant things. What do the following have in common?

Central Park

Regents Park

Villa Borghese

Jardin du Luxembourg

Retiro del Prado

They all negate their surroundings and create a fiction of freshness and solitude; a place of light and darkness. All for our benefit.

Of course the energy prices are soaring yet again...do you notice they never seem to come down when the prices of raw material collapses.....but this will not affect me as I have no energy at all. I am enervated. I am energy-less! When I get my energy back, and this depends on my JSA diet, I will also increase my prices to reflect the current trends.

Do you think there will be more BBC people at the Olympics than there will be British athletes? Guess who is paying for it all? How much money has the uncontrollable Controller of BBC allocated to covering this event?

Do you think we will win any medals, at all, let alone a gold? I probably won't have the energy to watch any of it.

The darkness is thickening around me, but the heat remains unrelenting!

Geography spot;

Cancun, Dili, Anchorage, Marble Bar, Fez.

Word spot;

Percussion, discussion, concussion, succession, secession.

In The Long Run, We Are All Dead!

I went for a walk through my local parks last night after my daily banquet (noodles with sliced onions) to comply with the old adage:

After lunch, rest a while; after supper walk a mile!

It was beautiful - azure blue skies, acid green trees, luscious green grass, dogs and children (bastards both! they should be banned or kept in an enclosed area) - then, disaster.

I must have breathed in most of the pollen in London and exploded into fits of sneezing and coughing and gasping for breath. You might recall (Key=Ctrl+R) that I have two cracked ribs after my recent fall from grace, the stairs I mean, Grace is innocent in these matters. Dear reader! the fucking agony! I managed to hobble home and took two more lovely pain killers the doctor gave me and collapsed onto my virgin couch in search of relief. This was about 2130 hours. I reclaimed consciousness at 0234 hrs in agony still so administered two more heavenly effervescent tickets to oblivion. Woke again at 0541 hours and decided to face the day bravely without complaining as I was to take an exam at my training college later. You will never hear me complain about the vicissitudes of life, no! Anyway wish me luck in the exam as my biorythmns are all screwed up at the moment.

I noticed that the sun set last night at 2059 hours and probably rose today after 0500 hours. This means the days are drawing in and the mighty God Winter approaches in all his hoary glory. This blasted heat cannot continue much longer and the Goddess Rain will reveal herself again to her faithless Londoners.

Have you noticed how alike Cristiano Ronaldo and I are! Yes, we both have a crock right foot! Of course he has already received medical treatment as he is a valuable slave, while I am only a hostage to the Health Service - which as you must know has much shorter waiting lists under GB's mis-governance!

The reason for this is simple...they do not add you to the list in the first place!

A point to be aware of.....smokers pay between £7 & £10 billion into the Receiver each year while smoking related illnesses costs only around£1.7 billion a year.

So we are actually paying for you lot!

In past times, we all laughed when the stock market fell as it was only the rich who invested and thus they lost money! Ha bloody Ha! But now, we are all vitally interested in the markets...and why you may well ask! So I'll tell you. All the big pension companies have large amounts riding on the market prices and our (well not me as I don't have one) pensions will be affected by drops in share prices and when the bottom falls out of the market all the pension companies find their backside exposed to the world. Remember GB takes about £5 billion every year out of the pension companies to fund his wet dreams!

And now GB's poodle Purnell is trying to criminalise all the unemployed and also to force temporary council workers to lose their only source of income by forcing the unemployed to take their jobs on a criminal wage structure. I see this all ending badly...for everyone!

I noticed that Spanish banks are trying to buy our banks; that French energy companies are trying to buy our energy companies. (EDF have just announced a price increase for gas of 22%...yes 22%!!) Remember when we used to do the buying not the selling. I think this is GB's secret way of getting us into the heart of Europe...by allowing them to buy our companies!

Meanwhile, do what ever lies nearest!

Geography spot:

The White House, the White House (yes two of them), Casa Rosada, Groote Schuur, Quirinal Palace, Schonbrunn Palace.

Word spot:

Mandate, order, legislation, nanny state.

Day Four of the Drought! When will it end!

Yes it's only day four but we are all prostrated by the heat. In Africa and Australia they don't start counting till Year Four but this is London!

Look, just look!, not only smell the exhaust fumes from all the traffic on the roads. This is air you can see and it is not good for you...but let's attack smokers for lighting up one cigarette...priorities seem screwed up to me. Soon the gardens will be dying ...throwing lots of people out of work to add to the bonus paid to the appropriate Minister in Westminster.

And no (Thrice Ney!) I will not be sharing a bath with a friend....I unfortunately have friends in low places. Although there are a few who I would accept, if not with open arms, then an offer of soap.(Shit! did I really say that! Steady down, Rom and Adam!) Who would you most like to share a shower with...and be reasonable..answers in comments below! I remember saying to a friend who had been waiting for Mr Right, for well, it seems like forever! what would happen if he turns up and his first name is Always! Where would you be then!

Well if you are feeling low and gloomy as well as exhausted by the drought, you can always draw solace from my whimsical, almost daily, ramblings right here! Just remember that no good deed will go unpunished!

I see that all the big supermarkets are having really large sales, and even starting price wars over petrol prices, not that I care about the price at the pumps as I walk everywhere..it is healthy, and I wouldn't like GB to get on my case if I was unemployed and obese! Besides it's cheaper to walk, especially when you are financially embarrassed. These sales still won't affect me as I have spent my allocation for the two weeks....it doesn't go far.

Of course one way to get more money is to have kids..but that seems drastic to me. One way to save money is to use the loos at your place of employment/training. Please use the facilities carefully and do not abuse the privilege, or yourselves for that matter. How come loo paper always runs out at the most crucial moment of extreme eliminatory need?

There are great bargains available on train travel as well but this probably involves booking 12 years in advance, and, the big catch, you have to travel in a party of four! I, alas and alack, travel life's lonely highway by myself......probably because I've never had a fixed destination, nor ever needed one! I think the journey is better than the arrival!

With GB's new expected blitz on unemployed people, I suppose I'll have to pick up a hod, and do with it whatever you do with a hod...what exactly is it. I have barely enough energy to come to my training course due to my being on the JSA diet. What will all the Polish people do if I take their jobs? I worry about this and a lot of other things as well because I am a caring, sharing sort of person! Anyway these people may well be Estonians...who ever knows, certainly not this mis-government.

Geography spot:

Tromso, Lille, Firenze, Hue, Edo (latterly known as Tokyo).

Word spot:

Dissolution, disillusion, disassemble, do-be-doo-bee-doo.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is Really an Approaching Train!

I've been away for a few days as I had a fall and have hurt my ribs and shoulder. Not too serious and I'll be back in a flash...better than new!

Hortus Siccus!

I just completed an exam and I am not in a good mood. I feel that the quality of the exam is tainted by the fact that there are obvious errors on the paper and I did not know whether to correct the data or use it as such in case there was a later question adjusting these errors. Slipshod management!

Well never mind, let's carry on!

Things that I do not understand!

Speed bumps...try going over them in a bus

Width restrictions on roads...as above

Mini roundabouts....as above

Parking cameras and wardens in same location

GB (Scots Division) of UK Ltd

Car alarms.....who ever responds

Leviticus...about homosexuals and menstruating women

Things I do like:

Walking in and out of a rain shower in windless conditions. There is a clear edge to the rain fall.

Walking along the river.

Walking through a park in a rainstorm.

Cold nights when you can cuddle up..in my case with three pillows.

A nice cup of tea,,,with three sugars. Is that a problem!

The unemployment figures have risen dramatically again and will, probably, continue to get worse. Will the Minister qualify for a performance bonus?

The banks continue to rip everyone of by making £6 billion on overdrafts and current accounts. Why are they allowed to get away with this, and for so long?

Well we gear up for another season of fantasy financial football....who will be the biggest transfer this season. Who will earn the highest weekly wage...and be worth it!

I, unfortunately, support The Mighty Ipswich Town Football Club, for my sins. But I do remember the glory days of yesteryear! I suppose Spurs fans are pretty much used to this feeling as well. And rightly so, in my humble opinion!

Apparently all we've got to look forward to on TV this weekend is repeats, and more repeats! So what is new about that!

Beavers in Gloucester! Good God above!beavers...any sign of lumberjacks! wolves! bears! This really is going green, isn't it!

Geography spot:

Davis Strait, Visla River (see yesterday), Recife, Malaga, Trondheim.

Word spot:

Horst,dastardly, lugubrious, salubrious, infamous.

The meaning of the title: a collection of uninteresting facts; like a dry garden.

Something Darkly This Way Comes

What's going on! The Bank of England cannot contain inflation, all prices are going through the roof - food, fuel, electricity, gas clothes, insurance. House prices are falling down. Wages...well! who knows watching today's strike by council workers. Re-sale values for cars probably going down the river with this new tax structure about to fall on us.

Frankly I am in the dark!

Benefits for unemployed etc. are calculated using September figures and are then applied the following April. September is used as the base rate period as everyone has spent themselves out over the summer holiday period and have no money to spend and this is reflected in all the indices ie very low! And this is what benefit increases are based on.

So lets hope the indices stay high for a while to help the people who really need the help. Sorry about the rest of you, yeh! I know it sucks, but try seeing it from my angle....everything is up from here!

Where is PRUDENCE when we need him! I say, dig up Maggie and give her another go! It's always the same, everything keeps changing!

Frankly I am in the dark!

The stock market lost £30 billion yesterday, which is 2.4% of the market (valuing the market at circa £1,250 billion). Who is selling? why are they selling? I think it is the brokers themselves who are on commission for every purchase and sale, so they win every time. Remember when this type of computer generated selling hit the market before?

In a market like this - why has Sterling gone up against the Euro and the US dollar? How does that work?

Frankly I am in the dark!

The civil servant who resigned from HMRC over the lost data fiasco is awarded £2.3 million in pension and lump sum pay-of under civil service rules. Why?

Frankly I am in the dark!

I was walking through my local parks the other day and I noticed that there were a lot of branches lying on the ground, some were simply enormous, and no danger/security barriers were in place. One particular large bough which seemed to be the entire crown of the tree was lying against a fence for a leisure area where lots of kiddies were playing organised football and tennis. Just now across the street from where I am, water is leaking from between the pavement slabs, presumably from a mains pipe beneath. It may explode in a cataclysmic water spray soon (I hope). But who is supposed to report these damages, and to whom are we supposed to report them. Years ago it all seemed joined-up and we knew the council would either take charge or arrange for the appropriate service to be called out. But who has the responsiblity now? It all seems fractured somehow.

Frankly I am in the dark!

Is Keane really worth £20 million? Then Ronaldo must be worth £90 million! OH! He is! Well there's a thing!

Geography spot:

Volga River, Maracaibo, Kingston (Jam), River Don, River Donau.

Word spot:

Hazzan, scatology, politics, impetus, trough, parliamentarian, confabulation.

If you have any thoughts at all, leave a comment below, if you're game enough.

I will answer.

The Remedy is often worse than the Disease.

Oh! by the way, I discovered that my doctor is not moving to Donnington. No, it is British Grand Prix that will be staged there. I suppose I should read the story carefully and not just splash headlines.

A headline in the Fulham Gazette stated that there was a stampede of job seekers at the Job Fair in Hammersmith, on 08/07/2008. Well actually, we were all told it was mandatory attendance, even if we had no skills in retail. That is why so many people turned up, and descended into chaos!

Tax Credits! - who understands them! why do we need them! Why not go back to the old methods that seemed to work before GB (Scots Division) got his intricate little mind on them when he was only the Chancellor. I think it is that he prefers the obscure to the simple in everything he does. Yet another Labour fiasco.

Incidentally, if he evicts all these families out of their council homes because of their behaviour of their children, where will they all live? In his constituency, I hope. The bracing air in Scotland should at least keep them indoors for a change.

I see that they are planning to import baobab fruit from Africa to be used in smoothies! Why not leave it there for the starving Africans, if it so good for you!

Geography search:

Bass Strait, Vistula River, Lima, Saskatchewan.

Word play:

Remote, antagonistic, holistic, heroic, erotic.

Try one of the simple games on the right, but remember the spelling will be Yankee not English!

Leave all comments below, and I'll try to get back at you!

Please! Dispose of your Hypotheticals Safely!!

I thought I would have a bit of a rant this morning as I felt out of it all over the weekend. And also I am still afraid that England will manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, yet again, at Lords.

Apparently expansion at Heathrow has run into the Racial Equality Act as future departures from the northern runway may take them over areas in which mainly ethnic minorities live.

Are the Keen's credible parliamentary material?

Matthew Parris lived on the dole for a week for a TV show and now he is apparently qualified to write about conditions affecting all those on benefits. Perhaps he should try the JSA diet today, if he has any moral instincts left after years at the trough. Who or what is a Gertrude Himmelfarb?

The Serious Fraud Office case against suppliers to the NHS collapsed after a decision by a judge based on a quibble in law. The companies have already paid out £34 million to the NHS to settle civil claims. What is this about? They did it and pay for the crime but will not admit guilt??

Did you know there are 100 bishops in Nigeria plus and archbishop...how many are there in England...are they all necessary?

Did you know that senior civil servants get paid bonuses? What for? If the unemployment figures go up does whatever-his-name-is get a performance bonus? Do MP's get a bonus..what for blethering on endlessly in Westminster or by the minutes they get coverage on TV?

On average do the people listed below really earn these amounts:

Teacher/lecturer £35919 pa

Journalist/broadcaster £35620 pa

Police officer £38352 pa

Lawyers/judges £56246 pa

Doctors/consultants £82432 pa

Do deckchairs cost £1.50 per day?

We seem to live in a surveillance society with our freedoms being eroded by yet more draconian legislation by this present government. Their answer to everything is to introduce more and more legislation, when the existing laws are not even being enforced or applied. We don't need more laws about knife control, we just need more cops to be visible on the streets, not in their high powered boy racer cars or in the station.I think this will all end in tears.

Look at the national DNA base, biometric ID cards, 42 day detention, anti-terrorist laws, all the cctv cameras blighting our city centres!

And people still denigrate Shami Chakrabarti! What is their problem?

Who would name companies as such: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mae, Indie Mae and then let them crash. Is this all coming our way again. WE have already had our Northern Rock. Well there is still all the big banks not coming clean about their off-balance sheet activities!

Geography spot:

Gdynia, River Ob, Antifagusta, Brest-Litovsk.

Word games:

Coracle, calicle, thanatology, mainstay.

The artist from Friday's question was GIOTTO! Apparentl, he could draw freehand a perfect circle. This is very rare.

Please feel free to leave comments below and let me know what you think...of anything!

You can't teach a New Dog old Tricks!

It seems that Britain is on the verge of collapse, which worries me. All prices seem to be rising through the roof, industry seems to be the verge of recession, the construction trade is laying off thousands of workers...does this mean the Poles who work in the industry will go home?

Think of all the U-turns that GB has made already, and the cost of them, and what will happen with car tax and the fuel escalator later in the year. Remember that the biometric ID cards are still hanging over our heads...think of the cost of that. And now this government wants to build two new aircraft carriers...for God's sake, why? They are surely an outdated mode of warfare..perhaps check with Jane's.

Following the Northern Rock debacle, why doesn't GB help out B & B?

His latest brainwave,to secure the UK's future oil supplies,is to send troops to Nigeria to secure the oil industry infrastructure. We're still bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, aren't we? Will these troops be correctly equipped for the climate..it is not desert!

GB feels that "revulsion" will solve the problem of Mugabe. If revulsion works then why isn't he back in Scotland as Scottish Labour Leader already! Remember that the price of houses is collapsing so he should get a real bargain in Edinburgh if he buys now.

The last time we introduced sanctions in that area of the world it was against Ian Smith and UDI....they worked then didn't they? Ooops!

Do green taxes work? and how? Will we benefit from them or will they go to cover the costs of all GB's screw-ups and U-turns?

The Crown Estates returned taxpayers a surplus of £211.4 million last year on assets valued at £7.33 billion. Who says the Royal Family costs us, the taxpayers, large sums every year?

David Cameron is coming down hard on Tory MEP's regarding their expense claims, but lets his MP's at Westminster vote against any audits here. Is this hypocrisy from the noble green-blue leader-in-waiting, or am I naive?

Sewing buttons on shirts is a highly skilled task and with my lack of hand/eye co-ordination, I just cannot do it. That is also why I can't play those silly bloody games on computers!

Geography spot

Kirkil Islands, Feauvoux Straits, Ulan Bator, Abuja.

Arty spot

What artist was able to draw a perfect circle? Answer Monday!

Glum and Lethargic

Today I feel glum and lethargic.....it could be because I've given up drinking (for financial not health reasons, I might add) according to scientists who did a study in mice. Did they drink as much as I did? or was it scaled down to a thimble a week? it doesn't seem fair to equate me to a mouse, even for scientific reasons. I feel slighted somehow!Mind you, it could just be the bloody weather again!

Anyway, I went for a blood test today, and I weighed myself. Since I began the terrific JSA DIET my weight has fallen from 88 kilos to 73 kilos! Does GB realise how effective his benefit system is. Is he on a diet (apart from official engagements on behalf of us all......does he eat that much!)? Let's hope he will soon be on the JSA or he could take that position in Scotland his friend gave up recently..Leader of Scottish Labour Party...this seems to suit his talents more than his present position.

I know the economy seems to be crashing (who was Chancellor for 10 years?) but I remember when a tin of baked beans was 3p, a loaf of bread was 14p and I recall some cheap cheese that tasted like soap that when grilled etc was quite a filling meal. Now even Sainsbury feel the pinch and prices have gone up on the staple food groups. Where will it all lead to?

I hope Ronaldo stays...he is a ray of sunshine through our dark dreary winter!

I've added some extras on the side to help you while away your day and they are also educational, but beware of the spelling tests as I think they are all Yankee versions of the real words.

Geography spot

Droitwich, Umtali, Kitwe, Long Beach, Venice (USA).

Job Fair - Hammersmith

Sorry about Monday, but I was feeling off colour and couldn't bring myself to touch the keyboard. Yesterday was a completely different matter. I had to go to a job fair in Hammersmith...most of the jobs related to the new Westfield shopping centre in Shepherds Bush, and if I say it was chaotic..take it to the extreme! I heard on the radio later that it was shut down because 3,000 people turned up to fit into a room that held 500!! Who organised this? The loud speakers were extremely loud, probably to cover the sound of all the Jumbo 747's taking GB and his hangers-on to Hokkaido, Japan for their big jamboree, with exclusive catering to the highest degree. One of the reasons so many people turned up was that we were advised that attendance was MANDATORY, which explains the large crowd. We spent over an hour just queueing up outside before we got in..into to the chaos!

I didn't know MANDY was still here. I thought Tony gave him, and his Brazilian, some job in Brussels, to keep him out of the Sunday papers, yet again. I also did not know he was a TORY. Well you live and learn.

Did you catch last years promises from the panjandrums in Japan. Keep repeating a lie often enough and you start to believe it!

The British Chambers of Commerce advise that there might be up to 200,000 job losses in the next 18 months. So, the first thing the BBC does is offer large increases to all the Time Lords who run our public service broadcaster to help them if they face the chop later on. How many staff and assorted hangers-on will the BBC take to Peking...more than the number of athletes, I'll bet!

Should we have a phone-in on these matters.....would the results accurately reflect the opinion of the callers?

Other Matters of Interest

If USA is worried about a threat from Iran, WHY are they basing missiles in Poland and the Czech Republics?

What is teabagging (4 yr old sex education classes)?

GB always seems so ponderous it is no wonder he cannot make adjustments and small policy changes, but blunders on full of ballast until he hits a U-turn, and then he has trouble altering course.

There was a report about dementia in woman which stated that a well-educated woman was less exposed than those who were not as intelligent?? When do education and intelligence correlate?

Red Tape

Don't just worry about the red tape infecting the police force, yes, I still think it is a force and not a service. Look at what all the red tape has done to small and medium sized companies with all the incessant changes and obligations required by GB.

In a local paper I saw that my GP was to be re-located to Donnington. Where is Donnington? why is he going there? does he even know? or is this another pie-in-the-sky policy from the hand of GB.

Does anyone know what "scuolas" means in Italian.

What is a cilice?

Geograpy Spot

What is the main city on Hokkaidi?

Art Spot

Who was Hokusai?

Knowledge speaks; wisdom listens!

We all seem to have acquired a cultivated ignorance (ignorantia affectata) about our society. We know why and how things are happening or going wrong eg theses bloody knife killings etc, but we don't seem to want to acknowledge that we may be able to prevent these horrible happenings. I think it's also known as deniability. It all started with the pinko radicals and subsided into New Labour with all their social engineering. Where do we go from here.

Why can't we pay our Gurkha soldiers the same pension as UK born soldiers. They do the same job and some times a whole lot better and they have a proud history of service to our country and our Crown. Fair's fair, Gordon!

Young Polish people living here have taken to speaking Ponglish (tuba - tube, taksy - taxi) so we don't understand them. Here's a clue - speak Polski and we still won't understand you.

If the police horses are permitted to empty their bowels in the street- don't complain...this is really good manure for the garden The Queen sells off the residue of her the Army horses at the Royal Mews. More police horse patrols for residential streets should be the answer, nicht war?

Did you know that Google owned Youtube?

Did you know that Microsoft owns MySpace?

Did you know that Microsoft owns NBC?

Who will own Yahoo!

Who owns what these days.

Should I know and should I care?

Are MP's greedy? Yes or No!

Are Harriet Harmon and Jackie Smith credible ministers let alone credible politicians? For that matter is David Cameron?

Who will I vote for now. Politics seems to have taken a lead from the women who play at Wimbledon... no heavyweights around to entertain us - except of course GB (Scots Div) of UK Ltd - and he's a bundle of joy, isn't he?

Geography spot

Lake Victoria, Athabasca, Grozny, Tripoli.

Word spot

Pretentious, awesome, belligerent, pissed off.

Disaster areas

Ads with puppy dogs aimed a preventing crimes, Anyone heard of freedom of expression.

Are bicycle shops cashing in on this green movement. How many billions will this government spend on useless bike lanes, when they all ride on the pavement?

Why do you park on a driveway, and drive on a parkway?

Charity begins at Home

A government study released yesterday that a person needs an annual income of around £13,500.00 just to survive, and this does not include rent. Try living on job seekers allowance! The report also states that some poor people are missing meals each day. Try living on the benefits..you can really eat only once a day.

For all those people suffering from obesity..solution - use the JSA diet. And, of course, the worst sin of all if you smoke!..you'll soon be forced to give up the filthy weed as you cannot afford a pack of cigarettes at £5.80 a pack (most of the price is tax so how hard is GB (Scots Div) of UK Ltd really behind the anti-smoking campaign).

So Murray's out at last...nut don't worry, he still collects nearly £97,000.00 for playing four games. He may never win anything major, but what the hell! maybe he'll hang around for 10 years like Pussy Tim and bore us to death while banking a fortune, and add on anyone fool enough to sponsor him. Write to any company in which you own shares and order not to waste your money on sponsoring him. Maybe Paraguay can help him out!

I was walking along a very busy A-road simply jammed with traffic pumping all sorts of poisonous toxins into the air, when a lady walking along abjected to the cigarette I was smoking! Looked at her id dismay, indicated the traffic and told her to get a life. Wake up and smell the coffee, bitch.

Do discarded balloons create a worse environmental impact than discarded cigarette butts?

Well, everything is back to normal, nearly, in Iraq. Do you remember the good old days of rape, pillage and plunder! Well, apart from the rape bit, it's called economic development (or exploitation)!

Well done to BP and Shell. those great UK companies, for managing a slice of the pie in Iraq for the new oilfield development from the American owners.

And you thought the war was about Bush's oil interests, when it was in fact fought for deeper held beliefs in the principles and applications of the democratic process, and of course, to finish off what his father couldn't or wouldn't.

Disaster spots today!

Can't think of any at this moment but will update data later.

Geography check.

Kamchatka, Tierra del Feugo, Cancun, St Lawrence River, Gozo.

Words to include in your daily vocabulary (if you possibly can; in fact the only one I know who seems to do this is my good friend Toby...bless).

velocity, digitalis, Pagliacci, tragedy.

Sometimes I feel like a log on a fire - glowing brightly on the outside, maybe, but kind of hollow and burnt out inside!

We all belong on Court 18, really!

Well today started off fine...I sat a three hour examination and when I hit question 2 I hit a blank wall. I couldn't for the life of me remember what to do!
I soldiered on in my indomitable fashion and ,made it to the end. And what an end it was. I shudder to think of the results! Time for a drink or three!
Anyway, back to reality.

I see that the African Union meeting gave Mugabe a hero's welcome...well what did you really expect? Some sort of common-sense from unelected dictators! remember Emperor Bakassia!!

The local councils have decided in their wisdom that stopping smoking is more important a target then reducing assaults! They worry about reducing teen-age pregnancies and all the social engineering targets espoused by New Labour but ignore the real crimes affecting everyone else. Just look at the crime figures for London with knife attacks on young people. Perhaps these people, those with and without the knives, should be out fucking! Then the councils will help them especially if they take up, if they haven't already, smoking, for God's sake.
Does anyone know which indoor plants have an environmental impact ie I heard that some sorts of trees clear smoke from the atmosphere..is it a parlour palm (chaemedora elegans?)

With all this hullabaloo about house price falls....do you remember when the prices went through the roof and nobody could afford them or get a mortgage to cover the costs. And now no one can afford them because they can't get a mortgage because the banks don't have any money. Well they do but they will only lend it to each other at exorbitant rates. The BoE puts interest rates down and the mortgage lenders put their interest rates up...how does that work. Perhaps now is the time to look at Europe (unfortunately) where they sensibly use more rented accommodation on reasonable rents and long term contracts. Maybe Europe is not all wrong about everything..or maybe they are!

Disaster areas to be on guard for:

Cyprus no water. Thank God the Greeks are shipping some in
London hose pipe ban and water leakages from main lines now that
summer has come back from Capistrano
Wimbledon today when Murray gets thrashed by Nadal (Hooray! Hooray!)

Geopgraphy spot:

Droitwich; M25 Parking Lot; Tuvulu; Turks and Caicos Islands.
What do these mean; eustatic change; isostatic change; gneiss.

Words for you to play with:

Conchology,pantheism, a bouquet of (what?).

I'll leave you with thought....what happens if Liverpool and Tottenham switch Crouch for Keane? Good/bad move?